Belinda Bogey
A Tiny Town Chronicles Special Report, from your own Human Interest correspondent: C Mouse esq.
I am afraid that this tale is disgusting, so I hope you’re not eating your tea – or anything else for that matter; because you’ll probably be sick, and whoever has the task of reading you this story, will have to spend hours, picking up all the little bits of horrid stuff that go everywhere -even in rooms where you weren’t sick. You have been warned.
Belinda Bogey was a horrible little girl, I mean really horrible – not just a bit awful. Do you know why? Can you guess? No of course you can’t…you’re much too nice aren’t you?
Well, Belinda Bogey liked to pick her nose…in fact she loved to pick her nose. All day long, whenever nobody was looking…and quite often, when they were. She’d poke her nasty little fingers up her naughty little nose, and pull out horrible green bogeys and slimy shiny strings of awful stuff – too nasty to mention. Once she had found what she was looking for, she’d pop in her mouth and eat it.
‘Crunch crunch crunch’ went the bogeys, ‘slurp slurp slurp’ went the other stuff which is still too horrible to mention.
Belinda Bogey, not only ate things that came out of her nose - she made things as well. If she had more bogeys than she needed at any particular time, she’d save them for later – just in case she got hungry in the night.
She stuck her ‘to be consumed later’ bogeys all over her dress until it looked – from a very great distance at least - and if you were very silly, as though she was covered in diamonds and emeralds. She made necklaces and bracelets from all the stringy stuff, and wrapped them round herself, or decorated her dolls and teddies….
What do you think about that? Is that disgusting, or do you find it funny?
Well Belinda’s Mummy and Daddy certainly didn’t find it funny. They were nice people who were shocked and disgusted that the beautiful little daughter they had saved up for for so long, had turned into such a Nose monster.
“ Stop picking your nose Belinda” they would shout. “ It’s disgusting, and very unhealthy. Did you know that Bogey’s are filled with horrid germs?”
Of course, Belinda refused to stop, and pointed out that medical science was now reporting that eating bogeys was actually good for you.
Well of course, you can’t watch a child for twenty-four hours a day, so Belinda had ample opportunity to indulge in awful green bogey feasts. At times, she was so covered in bogeys, that when she walked, her dress would jingle and jangle, almost like a wind chime.
If Miss Tipsy, the headmistress of Tiny Town School, had not been short sighted, I am sure that she would have had strong words to say on the matter. Instead, she thought Belinda Bogey to be a fine little girl, although one who wore slightly too much jewellery to school.
Obviously, it was impossible to take Belinda anywhere. If her Mummy and Daddy ever dared take her to a restaurant, the other diners would all be sick. If they went to the pantomime, nobody else could hear it, because Belinda would be crunching so noisily all the time. It became so serious, that the Pantomime fairies threatened to go on strike if Belinda ever came to the theatre again.
( By the way, I hope I’m not making you feel sick. I’m feeling a bit funny myself at the moment, but as it is my job to report the facts, I must continue. I’ve got a bucket near-by. Have you?)
Well, Mr and Mrs Bogey…that’s a coincidence isn’t it? were at their wits end. They were willing to try anything to improve Belinda’s manners and diet. While the other Mummies and Daddies of Tiny Town were trying to give their children more vegetables ( These are things that grow in the ground apparently ), Mr and Mrs Bogey would have been quite happy if Belinda ate naughty foods like crisps and sweets – anything as long as it wasn’t big fresh shiny crunchy bogeys. Of course, it didn’t work.
“ Why would I want sweets when I’ve got bogeys?” she said. “Sweets are bad for me…you really are very naughty parents. I might have to report you.”
At last, they took her to see Doctor Tickle, to ask if there was anything that could be done.
- I don’t know where Doctor Tickle got his Doctors’ badge from, because he wasn’t a very good Doctor. He said that Belinda would grow out of picking her nose, and that her parents should actually be quite pleased that it wasn’t her bottom she was picking. What’s more, as they were leaving, Mrs Bogey happened to peer through the surgery window, and saw him putting his own finger up his nose, and pulling out an enormous bogey, which he promptly ate.
Well, things did not get any better – in fact they got worse. What with the rain, and the Giant Chocolate Cake escaping from the Tiny Town Asylum, and the children having to stay at home until he was caught.
Belinda spent most of her time picking and consuming the contents of her nose. What was truly amazing, was how such a sweet little nose could produce so much horrible stuff. I mean, she was only five and a half years old, and not very tall. Where on earth did it all come from? As her daddy sadly rued to his wife ‘ If bogeys were gold dear, we’d be rich’.
Finally, news came on the wireless, that the Giant Chocolate Cake had been recaptured – with the help of the Tiny Town Chronicle, and that school would be opened as usual tomorrow.
Next morning, Belinda’s Mummy and Daddy knocked on her door to wake her up.
“ Belinda darling – it’s time to get up for school. Hurry up or you’ll be late.”
Strangely, there was no reply. Not even a peep…or a crunch.
Mr and Mrs Bogey opened the door and went into Belinda’s bedroom, but there was no sign of her. Everything looked normal and as it should. Her dolls and teddies were neatly lined up at the foot of the bed, and covered in bogeys, and the walls glistened with unmentionable shiny bits. This was puzzling. Where was Belinda?
Suddenly, Belinda’s Mummy and Daddy heard a sound – it was like a big wet sniff when you’ve got a cold. They turned towards the bed and saw a shape lying under the duvet.
‘Come on Belinda, hurry up.” they both said. But the shape did not move.
“ Oh, she’s just being silly” they thought, and Belinda’s Daddy pulled back the covers.
What they saw on that strange morning, will go down in Tiny Town history, as one of the most horrible sights ever…Are you ready for me to tell you what they saw - lying in Belinda’s bed, where she should have been? Excellent – here goes:
It was a huge pink thing, with no arms or legs. No head, no eyes or ears, no toes and no bottom. Just two big holes that appeared to be breathing. Belinda Bogey had turned into a GIANT NOSE.
(At the time of writing, the giant nose is undergoing specialist treatment, to turn it back into Belinda. Sadly, Dr Tickle was unavailable for a consultation, as he too had turned into a giant nose – with horrible long black hairs sticking out.)
The Tiny Town Chronicle will of course keep you up to date on all future developments. Meanwhile, our health expert Professor Julian Sneeze would like to point out, that picking your nose is a horrible – and dangerous habit. So stop it now, before it’s too late.
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